The Creative Rainbow Mother

I have not shared my writing to the public in many years, afraid of the judgement of others but something has shifted in me lately to where I just don't care anymore. So, here is one of hopefully many to come and in due time in my life I will write a book. If you're looking for perfect English and grammar and punctuation well, go read something published. This is raw.

Take 1: The Creative Rainbow Mother

As soon as I go to type this blurb… my three year old calls my name and bursts open the door. Typical right, I think we as moms can all agree. We finally get a moment in the bathroom to poop, or so we think, and then someone bursts through the door. Okay… back on track… or so I think. Currently, I am reading this book called If Women Rose Rooted. I read a passage last night that resonated, thus I am sharing. One, to get it off my thoughts, two that maybe it will resonate with someone else in the world- even if it is only one person.

There is a female archetype from the Mayan tradition. She is called the Creative Rainbow Mother. The Creative Rainbow Mother “regularly needs to descend into her creative depths; she can’t live, otherwise.” She must do this to be an effective mother. This mother wants to inspire her children instead of living for her children. On the flip side, there is Earth Mother, she is connected to “marriage, domesticity, growing food and children.” Now, don't get me wrong, there are many other types of mothers in this world but these are the two archetypes mentioned that I want to focus on.

After being a stay at home mom for 3 years now, I feel like I have been pigeonholed into this Earth Mother. This mom who is supposed to live for her kid through her kid. This mom who is supposed to take care of everyone, cook, clean, learn how to grow food, learn how to grow a human being because let's all be real… no one really has that down and we are all learning as we go and lately, handling a 3 year old is emotionally exhausting. But as I read this passage on The Creative Rainbow Mother I felt some relief, some relief that maybe I can fit in somewhere, some relief that maybe I don’t have to be this person or Mother that I don’t resonate with, some relief that I don’t have to continue down this path, be on this train that is not intended for me.

I am an artist at heart, I am an introvert, I am someone who needs time to herself to understand and process the world around me; what I read, see, feel, and hear. I always thought that that made me selfish but it makes me whole. And in order to be the best mom I need to be, I have to be whole. I have to create and flourish and my daughter deserves that more than a mom who is always there by her side day in and day out cleaning and cooking and tending to a family. The author also states in this book that “the Creative Rainbow Mother regularly feels the need to fly free” and if she is not allowed her space to be creative and free then the Crazy Woman breaks out.

I am going to generalize here for a moment but I truly don’t think husbands, men, boyfriends, and partners understand this and understand how detrimental it is for a woman/mother especially this Creative Rainbow Mother to get time to herself- to be free to whom she needs to be- however she sees fit. You ask for a day, you get texts asking questions and telling you the baby/kid is crying, she wants you, you rush home. You ask for an hour, you get interruptions half way through and don’t even get the final time. It creates chaos and anxiety, you rush around, half ass, not breathing, wondering if there will ever be quality time to yourself, to be free, to breathe, to relax so you can give back to your child. So, you can replenish yourself but it just doesn't stop.

The Crazy Woman comes out, then you're judged, called names, looked down on. You yell at your child, you're short with your partner, you're blamed for your attitude. Why can’t you just pull it together you Crazy Woman. What’s to pull together? Where is yourself? It’s already in shambles laying across the bathroom floor, the car, the grocery store, which one you ask? Oh all three that you have to go to. Be perfect. Control yourself. Control your children. Close your eyes. Plug your ears. Breathe. You’re safe. Open your eyes, wait, they are still there. Unplug your ears, wait, they are still judging.

It’s okay Creative Rainbow Mother, you just haven’t been able to fly free in awhile. Your wings aren’t broken, you just need to unclip them. Fly home.